Kenduri Kahwin

Please tell me if any of you yang attend typical malay kampung wedding pernah tak dapat makan? I dont think so kan?? Sebagai orang melayu we will try so hard to entertain or fullfill our guests punya tembolok so orang tak akan mengata kat belakang kan? We will make sure everything will be enough hence to buy the whole pot of nasik kandar plus all the the curry kat pelita nasi kandar as plan B if our food tak cukup kan?

Well...not in my case...aura puaka aku dah mai dah...Just last week, me and my family attended one of our neighbour punya kenduri...ye la orang jemput dengan baik kena pi sua muka gak la...nanti kata sombong plak!!! Entah le sejak aku move my office kat umah nih semua orang macam tak puas ati plak...heran aku dengan jiran2 aku nih. Ada kalanya aku punya surat payment check dari customer pun kena sembunyi!!! But I always believe that Allah is great.

Back to the kenduri. It's a habit of my wife that she won't cook our lunch kalau ada kenduri-kendara nih...nak pi balun kat umah kenduri la katanya...we arrive at 2.30pm dengan perut yang lapar since I always skip my breakfast. Bersalam dgn tuan rumah...salam berisi la katakan, so our expectation was quite high that day as we knew orang kampung nih suka berlawan pasal kenduri nih...kalau tak nasi minyak mesti nasi tomato kan? kan? kan???

Nasi minyak?? Nasik tomato???? hampeh!!!! by the time aku salam "berisi" dgn tuan umah, my neighbour's husband dengan gumbiranya menjerit ...nasik dah abisss!!! pukoi 2 nasik abih???puaka sesangat mulut dia kan??? I thought it was a joke to memeriahkan majlis...then looking at the buffet line....orang tengah beratur sambil bawak pinggan kosong....shit!!!!Nih kenduri kawin ka kenduri arwah??? Dah tau kenduri untuk 200 orang panggey 2000 nih apahal...lapaq duit sangat ka???

My wife panic dah since she knew I will make a fuss about this and quickly asked my children cari meja kosong...Jumpa meja kosong tapi....maha lahanat punya tuan umah!!! meja kotor tak berlap!!! hanjengs sesangat!!! Dah tau kenduri panggey la adik bradik jiran tentangga mai tolong...nih dak...depa siap bergelak ketawa kat dalam umah!!!

I keep my silence...tak mau buat kecoh...tak pa...by the time we arrived, one of our neighbour, a chinese family that close to them pun sampai sekali...depa layan family nih macam pak lah mai penang nih...siap bagi meja yang bersih nih...

By the time my wife pi kat buffet line tuh nasik baru sampai, tuh pun nasib baik since ada jiran-jiran aku yang tunggu dekat sejam dah baru depa nak tanak nasik lain...si cina nih berebut abih potong line nak amik nasik...aku geleng kepala tengok perangai lahanat nih...dah abih berebut depa duduk kat meja special depa...la la tuh jugak my neighbour aku bawak keluar ayam masak merah 3 pinggan bagi kat depa...sikit pun tak jeling kat haku...aiseh pilih kasih nampak!!!

Then my wife & kids bawak pinggan memasing kat meja...aku tanya lauk apa?? my wife letak atas meja...daging perca saja size syiling 5 sen...tuh pun lemak sesaja!!! La tu jugak darah aku menyirap bagai disembur api dek izuan...opss!!! My wife cuba pujuk aku dengan bawak pinggan berisi makanan hanjeng tuh...aku tepis...aku ajak family aku balik & pi makan kat kedai...my wife tak mau sebab malu...aku tunjuk kat my wife meja "vip guest" tuh...terkedu dia...Aku tanya my wife...brapa vip tuh bagi ang pow??RM10 kut...tuh pun mai satu batalion...awat?? depa punya RM10 tuh besaq sangat ke?? pakai dollar ke ringgit???

I told my wife & family to finish off and I will go the nasik kandaq opposite umah kenduri tuh...peduli hapa?? I walked off from the scene without looking back and enjoyed my lunch kat restoran mamak tuh...sengaja I cari meja yang betul2 bertentang dengan umah kenduri tuh...what the hell...I know my neighbour realized bout it...

So lepas my family dah abih I tunggu dalam kereta...I tanya apa rasa masakan depa?? my wife said she had to swallow the food as their nasik tak masak...abih satu jug air depa telan sulam dengan nasik...I was so mad as I know sooner or later my toilet will be jam!!! Cepat-cepat carik farmasi.

I told my wife that from now on dont ever ask me to go to any of their kenduri...dont ever tell me or show me their invitation card...i rather bring my children to kedai tomyam or nasik kandaq yang bersepah kat sini...baik aku kenduri kat McD or KFC je...hell with them!!!

After that kenduri...my neighbour tuh tak brani angkat muka kat aku nih...but I didnt said or complained anything to anybody...I think they saw me having my 'kenduri' kat kedai mamak tuh kot...rasain...Pls la if you nak buat kenduri besaq-besaq nih...plan la elok-elok...jgn ingat kenduri nih macam bisnes plak.

Like my kampung...menu dia kampung sangat & specialnya daging masak tok jer...tapi siap orang boleh bawak balik lagi...tak payah masak satu hari...perut kenyang orang tak bebal!!!

Sampai hari nih kalau aku terserempak dengan mana-mana kenduri...bebal aku...

oh! this is not a 'neighbour from hell' punya story...that one later...